YouTube star and young father Landon Clifford hanged himself after struggling with depression and drug addiction for years, his heartbroken wife told their nearly 1.4 million subscribers.
Camryn Clifford, 19, talks about her husband’s death in a 36-minute video that she posted to their popular Cam&Fam YouTube channel Thursday. He was only 19, too.
The emotional video, titled “My Husband Passed Away/Telling His Story,” details how Camryn found Landon hanging in the garage after he’d told her was going to take a bath – and how she cut him down with a knife before calling 911. Landon lingered six days in a coma before doctors declared him brain dead on Aug. 18.
“He has had mental health issues for as long as I have known him. He suffered from anxiety and depression. He has ADHD which he has had since he was a little boy, so his whole life he’s always just kind of struggled with his emotions and just the way his brain was wired,” Camryn said.
Landon had seen a psychiatrist about his panic attacks, depression and difficulty focusing. He was taking three medications.
“It was kind of a lethal mixture of these two very strong, heavy drugs, both very addicting and he just kind of fell into a hole,” Camryn told subscribers. “He needed the uppers to get up in the morning and downers to slow down at night. And the more downers he took at night the more uppers he needed to get up… So it was a very, very vicious cycle and he just kept taking more and more and needed more for his body to feel his effects.”
The couple have two daughters — 2-year-old Collette Briar and Delilah Rose, who was born in May.
After Delilah arrived, Camryn said, the reality of looking after two kids “hit us hard” and the couple took a short break from each other. Landon went to stay with his parents in hopes of kicking his prescription drug habit. He came back home, taking only anti-depressants.
“He said that he was sorry for everything he put me through. It was really hard on me when I was pregnant and he was heavy in his addiction and he really just wasn’t himself at that time. He was just apologizing to me for everything. I could tell he was putting a lot of blame on himself,” Camryn said. “I told him that I loved him and that I forgave him and things are different now and we’re on a new path. I gave him a hug and a kiss and told him that I love him and that it’s okay.”
Then, Landon told Camryn that he was going to take a bath. A half-hour later, Camryn heard Collette wake and went to check on her and Landon. She didn’t find him in his room, the girls’ room, or the bathroom.
“When I opened the garage, I saw that he had hanged himself,” she said. “…I was in so much shock and it took me a second to realize that it was actually happening.”
Camryn ran to the kitchen for a knife, cut Landon down and called 911. First responders were able to revive him, but he had been without oxygen too long. He was in a coma for nearly a week before he died.
Landon was a registered organ donor, Camryn told subscribers. “He always put others above himself. Even in death, he was caring about people.”
“If he knew everything that would follow after he did what he did, he wouldn’t have. That’s why I am here to tell his story because there are so many people out there who need to hear about what comes after.”
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